Hallmark Movies, A Christmas Tradition

My wife and I have established a Christmas Tradition. On Sunday nights, we watch the Hallmark Christmas movie that she has taped from the night before or from Sunday night. You have to understand how this tradition got started.

Our taste, my wife and I, is totally different:

  • She likes the NFL–I’d rather watch paint dry.
  • She loves Golf–I’d rather watch grass grow.
  • She likes the YOUNG AND RUTHLESS–I’d rather have a root canal.
  • She likes Wheel of Fortune–I’d rather be water boarded.
  • She watches the Morning Show {religiously} with Kathy Lee and Michael Strahand. [The black guy with the space between his teeth. He is a very smart man and I suppose the females would say he is good looking. He is no Jason Bowling but who is?]–I’d rather hear be on the computer.
  • She watches Island Hunters-I’d rather have a spend the night party with my nine grandkids. [She found an Island last night for 4 million. We ought to buy it and put all these Muslims on it]

I could go on and on but you get the point: we do not like the same programs. We are married and we intend to stay together so we agree to watch certain things together but it is a short list. The HALLMARK Christmas movies is on the list.

Earlier tonight, we watched THE BRIDGE. Don’t waste your time. It is about a heathen woman who believes in works and refuses to go to church with her sweet husband, even on Christmas Eve. She is a goody-two-shoes who thinks her works will get her into heaven. Her faith is in herself and her husband. He wants her faith to be in something bigger.

I am an incurable romantic but the romantic plot is just not right. The guy breaks up with his life time sweet heart who I find attractive and falls in love with a twiggy. The girl is so skinny, if she wore a hat, she would look like an 8 penny nail. Listen, I am an old man and I want to see at least one attractive woman per movie. The old heifer that refuses to go to church is no longer pretty to me.

C-old-sexual-relations

By the way, the setting goes back and forth between Seattle, Washington and Franklin, Tennessee where the two lovers are attending Belmont College known for its conservatory in music. I like both cities but if I had pick one, it would be Franklin. Twiggy’s father, living in Seattle, is a control freak who cares more about himself than he does his daughters happiness. I don’t like the guy.

I am not finished but close: it is what I call a slow starter and I wanted to go to my computer after the first commercial break which June FF through but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. This is important to her and I am a sensitive husband. The movie just didn’t get any better until the last 20 minutes or so: suddenly I was hooked but there was not enough time for it to end right.

I am telling June–

  • This is not going to end right and I don’t like it.
  • This old heifer is not going to church, she is full of herself.
  • The controlling father is ruining his daughter’s [Twiggy] life. He lies, he manipulates and has her promised to a nerd. How be it, the boy in Franklin is a musician but I will take a musician over a nerd any day. Actually, I would prefer a guy with a good job who loves to work.
  • It gets down to the two minutes mark and the young lovers [miles a part] are talking on the phone: Control Freak has driven a wedge between them and they don’t understand what is going on. So you have two ‘pitiful’ lovers separated by a lying, conniving, compulsive control freak.
  • There is less than a minute and I telling June…It’s not ending right. The good man ask his unbelieving wife to go with him to the Christmas Eve service and she gives him this speech about how much she adores him and she does not need church or God, he is her object of worship. What is this hussy smoking.
  • THEN IT HAPPENS–scrolling across our 55 incher is the caption…TO BE CONTINUED ON CHRISTMAS 2016.

a payback is hell

Are you kidding me? Our composite age is 135 years. The first thing June said was, “We may be dead by Christmas of 2016.” Listen folks this is no way to treat Senior Adults. I’m going to see if Hallmark has a Facebook page: look out if they do- As Yosemite Sam would say, “I ‘ma goner blast them.”

I told June, I will not remember the first part if I have to wait a year to see the second part. What are these people thinking. Matter of fact, I will forget the entire movie in a few months. I’m telling you, it is crazy: it is not the way you treat Senior Adults, it’s just not right. I’d just as soon watch a movie with a sad ending as to watch one that has no ending.

I know what is going to happen: the stubborn and unsubmissive wife {Metaphorically, the heifer} is going to go to church with her beloved husband. Daddy Control Freak is going to wake up and realize that he can not control his daughter’s life without destroying her happiness. The two lovers will end up under the mistletoe in a full embrace but dog gone it, I wanted to see it on screen. I hate teasers!

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